And yet, here it is 1:30 in the afternoon, the middle of my lunch break, and I haven't eaten anything today. I haven't even finished my first protein shake yet, and I should be half way through my second by this time of the day. This has actually become a frustrating trend lately. Ever since starting my pre-op diet, I feel like I am force feeding myself all day at work. As wonderful as fruit smoothies are, when you add the protein powder, replace the juice with water, and have to have 40 ounces a day of them.... they lose their appeal. What was fun the first couple of days has become a chore--one I'm not good at pushing myself to accomplish.
I think the issue is that I don't really LIKE any of these high protein low calorie foods. We're talking cottage cheese, yogurt, veggies and lean deli meats here. All day, everyday. Eating is no-fun anymore, so I'm not interested in it. Nearly every day this week I have had to force myself to eat something because I have hit rock-bottom in my blood sugar. I keep meaning to eat breakfast... and then lunch...but next thing I know it's 3 in the afternoon and I'm light headed, shaking fingers, and suffering from smoothie induced heartburn.
Do you know how strange it is to be a food addict who doesn't feel like eating? It's miserable. My energy is low and my mood is dipping as well.
The thing is, I don't see any way to make myself 'happy' with the food. If I go out and splurge for my last day, have pizza or pasta or something I love, I'd feel so guilty afterward for the fat I ate that it wouldn't be at all worth it. Besides, we can't really afford to go out to eat, and all of the food in the refrigerator is healthy.
But today I don't WANT to eat another bite of green beans, or lunch meat, or another spoonful of cottage cheese. Even hard boiled eggs sound disgusting. So here I am, spending my lunch break NOT eating.
The problem is, that I NEED to be eating. If I don't at least drink the protein shakes, then I'm burning muscle and not fat, which is dangerous and useless. And when I don't eat all day, when I get home for dinner I'm impossible to satisfy. I eat a healthy portion for dinner--the only meal when we have food I actually enjoy like honey marinated chicken breast and sauteed vegetables., or grilled salmon. If I was eating all day, like I should, I would probably be satisfied with the small portion I'm allotted for dinner, but since I don't my mind screams for more as soon as I'm finished. I end up battling cravings from just after dinner until bedtime--and I don't always win. Luckily I usually choose a healthy snack.
I wish there was a way for me to enjoy my breakfast and lunch meals without having to force feed myself.
But oh well. Today's the last day anyway, too late to make any changes now. At least an all-liquid diet will simplify this mess.
No comments:
Post a Comment