Sur La Menu

People's curioisity about my surgery and my post-op life always seems to come in themes. I often get asked a question I'd never before heard SEVERAL times in one week. So strange.

This last week, I've had a lot of people ask me what I cook, what kind of meals I make now that I've had weight loss surgery. So since I was preparing my shopping list for this week's groceries anyway, I figured I'd post some of the recipes I picked out for this week up!

I've only included the entrees. I will probably serve an assortment of sides, usually veggies or brown rice or mashed (but not loaded!) potatoes.

These are all high protein and low to moderate fat meals. Since I have to consume 100 or more grams of protein a day, it's impossible to completely eliminate fat from my meals. But I try to make sure I get healthy fat from things like good oils and fish!

Of course everyone needs a splurge now and then, even tasty some dessert recipes.

November 30, 2009--December 6, 2009

Stuffed French Toast
Servings: 2
INGREDIENTS
4 Slices reduced calorie bread (35kcal per slice)
½ cup fat-free ricotta cheese
2 packets sugar substitute
3 egg whites
Dash of Salt
¼ tsp pumpkin pie spice
Dash of Vanilla
Cooking spray
DIRECTIONS
1. Divide ricotta evenly between 2 slices of bread.
2. Sprinkle one packet of sugar substitute on each piece of bread.
3. Place remaining bread on top, making 2 sandwiches.
4. Beat egg whites. Add a dash of salt and ¼ tsp pumpkin pie spice and a dash of vanilla to egg whites and stir.
5. Dip sandwiches in egg whites and fry in non-stick skillet with small amount of cooking spray.
6. Brown on both sides.
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS
Calories: 227
Fat: .5 grams
Protein: 25 grams
Carbohydrate: 27 grams
Cholesterol: 20 mg
Sodium: 659 mg
Sugar: 8 grams


BBQ Roasted Salmon
Servings: 4
INGREDIENTS
1/4 cup pineapple juice
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
4 salmon fillets (6 ounces each)
2 tablespoons brown sugar
4 teaspoons chili powder
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
3/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Combine first three ingredients in Ziploc bag. Marinate in refrigerator for one hour, turning occasionally. Remove salmon from bag and discard marinade.
3. Combine remainder of ingredients and rub over fish. Place fillets in baking dish coated with cooking spray. Bake for 12-15 minutes or until desired doneness.
4.Serve with lemon slice garnish.
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS PER SERVING
Calories: 225
Fat: 6 grams
Protein: 34 grams
Carbohydrate: 7 grams
Cholesterol: 88 milligrams
Sodium: 407 milligrams
Sugar: 6 grams

Magically Moist Chicken
Servings: 4
INGREDIENTS
1 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breasts
1 and 1/4 cups Italian bread crumbs
1/4 cup fat free mayonnaise
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
2. Brush mayonnaise on chicken.
3. Place bread crumbs in bag and shake one piece of chicken at a time.
4. Place chicken breasts in foil-lined pan and bake for 40-45 minutes.
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS PER SERVING
Calories: 233
Fat: 5 grams
Protein: 37 grams
Carbohydrate: 8 grams
Cholesterol: 8 grams
Sodium: 268 milligrams
Sugar: 0 grams


Easy Fish Au Gratin
Servings: 4
INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 to 2 pound fish fillets (orange roughy, catfish, haddock, etc.)
1 can cream of mushroom soup or cream of celery soup
1/4 cup milk
1/4 to 1/2 cup grated cheese
1 1/2 cups soft bread crumbs tossed with 3 tablespoons melted butter
DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 400°.
2. Butter a shallow baking dish.
3. Arrange fish in prepared baking dish.
4. Combine soup with milk in a saucepan over medium low heat and heat through.
5. Pour soup mixture over fish.
6. Sprinkle with grated cheese and buttered bread crumbs.
7. Bake for 10 to 15 minutes, or until golden on top and fish is flaky and cooked through.
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS PER SERVING
Calories: 305
Fat: 11 grams
Protein: 32 grams
Carbohydrate: 7 grams
Cholesterol: 88 milligrams
Sodium: 415 milligrams
Sugar: 3 grams

Crunchy Tuna Patties
Servings: 2

INGREDIENTS
1 (3 ounce) can of tuna in water
1 egg white
4 Wheat Thins crackers, crushed
1 tablespoon grated carrot
1-2 tablespoons chopped water chestnuts
1 teaspoon minced onion, if tolerated
Salt and pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS
1. Mix all ingredients together.
2. Spray medium skillet with nonstick cooking spray.
3. Cook patties until golden brown.
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS PER SERVING
Calories: 80 calories
Fat: 1 gram
Protein: 12 grams
Carbohydrate: 4 grams
Cholesterol: 22 grams
Sodium: 240 milligrams
Sugar: 0 grams


Frozen Raspberry Pie
Servings: 8
INGREDIENTS
32 chocolate wafers, (about 6 1/2 ounces; see Note), plus 1 for garnish
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons canola oil
2 tablespoons skim milk
1 tablespoon butter
3 cups raspberries, fresh or frozen (thawed)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 large egg whites, at room temperature (see Tip)
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat a 9-inch pie pan with cooking spray.
2. To prepare crust: Process 32 wafers, confectioners' sugar, oil, milk and butter in a food processor until finely ground. Press the mixture into the bottom and up the sides of the prepared pan, creating an even, dense crust. Bake for 12 minutes. Cool on a wire rack to room temperature, about 1 hour, pressing any puffed parts of the crust back into the pan.
3. To prepare filling: Meanwhile, puree raspberries, lemon juice and salt in a blender or food processor until smooth. Strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a medium bowl, pressing with a rubber spatula to extract the juice; discard seeds.
4. Bring 1 inch of water to a slow simmer in a large saucepan. Combine egg whites, granulated sugar and cream of tartar in a 3-quart stainless-steel bowl. Beat with an electric mixer on medium speed until foamy. Set the bowl over the simmering water and continue to beat on medium speed, moving the mixer around, until the mixture is glossy and thick, about 3 1/2 minutes. Increase the speed to high, and continue beating over the simmering water until very stiff and glossy, about 3 1/2 minutes more (the eggs will be at a safe temperature, 160 degrees F, at this point). Remove from the heat (be careful of the escaping steam) and continue beating on medium speed until room temperature, 3 to 5 minutes.
5. Fold the raspberry puree into the meringue until combined. Pour the raspberry filling into the pie crust; crumble the remaining chocolate wafer over the top. Place the pie on a level surface in your freezer and freeze until solid, at least 6 hours. To serve, let the pie stand at room temperature until softened slightly, about 10 minutes, before slicing.
Note: Look for chocolate wafer cookies without any partially hydrogenated oils.
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS PER SERVING
Calories: 190 calories
Fat: 5 grams
Protein: 3 grams
Carbohydrate: 37 grams
Cholesterol: 4 milligrams
Sodium: 165 milligrams
Sugar: 23 grams

Sweet Potato Brownies
Servings:16
INGREDIENTS
1 stick trans fat-free margarine
1 c. sugar
½ c. Splenda sweetener
5 egg whites
½ T. vanilla extract
¾ c. all-purpose flour
½ c. oatmeal
½ c. baking cocoa
½ t. baking powder
1 c. mashed, cooked sweet potato (without skin)
¼ c. chopped pecans (optional)
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350º. Lightly grease a 9x12" baking pan.
2. Cream the margarine, sugar, and Splenda.
3. Add the egg whites one by one.
4. Scrape the bowl well. Add the rest of the ingredients except the pecans. Mix well.
5. Spread batter in pan and top with pecans.
6. Bake about 30 minutes.
NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS PER SERVING
Calories: 169 calories
Fat: 7 grams
Protein: 3 grams
Carbohydrate: 23 grams
Cholesterol: 0 milligrams
Sodium: 99 milligrams
Sugar: 13.3 grams

Positively Amazing

Because I don't want to end any blog for the day on a down note, here are some TOTALLY cool facts I found on this cook UK website!

Losing 130 pounds is equivalent to cutting 455,000 calories.

Cutting 455,000 calories is the same as saying "no" to:

* 3,138 baked potatoes, or
* 5,688 large eggs, or
* 3,792 cups of 2% milk, or
* 328 pounds of ground beef, or
* 5,230 glasses of wine, or
* 1,409 Snickers bars, or (my weakness)
* 3,273 cans of Coke, or
* 2,676 pints of Guinness beer, or
* 925 Big Macs, or
* 883 Quarter Pounders with Cheese, or
* 650 Whoppers, or
* 1,379 Subway 6" Oven Roasted Chicken Breast sandwiches, or
* 2,676 Taco Bell crunchy tacos, or WOW!
* 1,936 slices of pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut

What it Takes to Burn 455,000 Calories

To burn 455,000 calories, a 190 pound male would have to:

* Backpack for 753 hours (31 days) nonstop, or
* Walk 5,230 miles (3,269 kilometers), or
* Bike for 1,319 hours (55 days) at 10 mph, or
* Bike 13,188 miles (8,243 kilometers), or
* Play basketball nonstop for 726 hours 30 days), or
* Play billiards for 2,106 hours (88 days), or
* Go bowling for 1,757 hours (73 days), or
* Stay on the golf course for 1,319 hours (55 days), or
* Spend 586 hours (24 days) playing competitive football, or
* Jump rope for 554 hours (23 days) straight!

You would have to walk the length of England about 8.73 times to burn 455,000 calories.

Who the heck cares what clothing size I am with those numbers? Puts things in perspective...

Silly Dayna, vanity is for kids!

I'm hiding from my friends.

And it's stupid.

And I need to stop.

See, the holidays are often the time of year when I reconnect with friends and family and former co-workers that I haven't seen in a while. This year, in particular, has been full of those long lost friendships that are sprouting again.

And it's truly, thoroughly, exciting for me. I have really missed some of my friends, and I cannot WAIT to see them again. To catch up on their lives and laugh over old times. Some of them have kids that I'm dying to meet and spoil. Some of them have married, and I am thrilled to meet their new spouses.

But... I keep putting it off. I've been putting some of them off since June.

Finding one excuse or another to wait until next month. Or the next month, Or the next to actually meet. I stall with emails and texts and phone calls and cards and presents, I stall with excuses (though true) about my busy work schedule and how much I travel for work.

But none of those reasons are the truth.

The truth is...

It's because I'm afraid I haven't lost 'enough'.


I told you.



Stupid.


It's just, with such a public (and controversial) weight loss battle on my blog, on facebook, etc, I feel like there are tremendous... expectations.

It's one of the reasons I've moved most of my journey to this blog or private emails, and away from other forums.

Because I've figured out that normal, healthy people, do NOT understand the concept how 'pounds' lost actually equates to what I LOOK like.

I've lost over 130 pounds. That's a BIG number to the average person, who maybe weighs 150.

It's just, inconceivable to most. People hear that and think... miraculous transformation. They envision me wasting away now in a size 0. when someone loses 130 pounds on 'The Biggest Loser' they get their own clothing line and their on the cover of magazines.

Because in my experience 'fat' to normal people starts at about 185 pounds and stops at about 250, MAYBE 300 on a show like the Biggest Loser. Everyone over that is just 'huge'. They stop quantifying at that point.

So when I say I've lost 130 pounds, that MUST bring me into runway model weight range, right?

Wrong.

What's funny is that I'm still OVER 250 pounds. I carry my weight fairly well because of my height (5'9") so though most people knew I was very heavy, they had no idea that I was OVER 400 pounds at the time of surgery.

When your starting point is 400 pounds, 130 just... ISN'T... as big of a transformation as it sounds.

I mean health-wise it's amazing. As I mentioned, my surgeon told me I've gained 15 years of life already. But I'm still a 'big' woman.

And I'm afraid that these long lost friends will be... underwhelmed... by my progress.

Which is vain.

And not Christlike.

But I'll be darned if I don't feel it every time I talk to them about meeting up, and this blog is somewhere that I'm supposed to be honest, so I will be.

And to be honest, that superficial part of me is terrified of not meeting expectations. I want them to be surprised, not disappointed. I want my Jenny Jones 'I used to be fat' moment.

So I've been hiding, thinking that 20 more pounds will be enough to be comfortable seeing them. But then that 20 pounds comes and goes and it just wasn't as dramatic as I thought it would be, and I start thinking 'Maybe January... in January I'll probably be solidly into a size 16...'

And in January I'll think that if I can just hold off until March I'll be in a size 14 which is 'regular' sized clothes, and won't that be neat? I'll wait for March.

And then, lets say that I can bypass this insane line of thinking and tell myself that they don't CARE whether I've reached my goal weight or not, and they don't care what I look like.

See, then the second line of defense kicks in. I've also been avoiding showing my progress because... because I'm afraid it won't be permanent.

The truth is that many weight loss surgery patients gain some, or ALL, of the weight back because they don't change their habits, and eventually your stomach stretches enough to eat too many calories again.

And though I know that my life has changed drastically, I also know that I still have to fight food cravings everyday. I have to fight overeating at every MEAL, for that matter. It's a conscious daily battle.

And to tell you the truth, I don't have a great reputation for being all that consistent or dependable. It's all exciting now to see the pounds come off, but will I be this dedicated in a year? In 3? In 5?

And if I might gain it back... wouldn't it be better if my friends never saw this lower weight? Then it's like I've failed twice, instead of just once. They already picture me as fat right now, and it might be a LOT safer to leave them thinking that way until I get to my goal weight and I know I can maintain it for a while.

Definitely. So I'll just wait for that. Let's see, about a year to get to my goal weight, and then at least 10-12 months of maintenance...

So I can start seeing these old friends and long-distance family about... Christmas of 2011.

...


Get my drift? I've got some crazy thoughts going on in here.

And that's kind of an 'aha' moment.

Because I guess I thought that my insecurities would melt away with the pounds, you know? As I became less abnormal, as I started to fit in more, then I would feel more confident.

I guess I thought that my confidence issues were BECAUSE of my weight.

But I'm starting to figure out that...maybe...those issues aren't so related to the reflection in the mirror or the number on the scale.

In fact, I'm starting to wonder if maybe it was the other way around and the weight was because of the issues.

That just may be a bigger problem then...

No surgery to fix that.

Hmmm... Some thinking and praying to do methinks.

It's...almost...fun to shop again!

Goodness gracious, I am getting sick of wearing baggy clothes. The thing is, I'm just not quite to the point where it makes sense to spend money on clothes again, because I HOPE to lose quite a bit more weight (80 pounds or so), and it seems like it would just be a waste!

Don't get me wrong, I am SO SO thankful and content with my weight loss. I'm not trying to rush my body, I'm losing fast enough! I know!

But I have to admit, that I'm starting to get the passion for fashion again, and it's hard to be patient and practical, you know?!

:-)

Anyway, I came across this amazing plus-size fashion site called igigi.com. Pretty pricey, but oh how fun it is to dream of donning some of these gorgeous clothes. Especially the dresses!!

I'm wearing a size 16/18 now (it varies so much from brand to brand) which means I'm not to far away from being small enough to actually look GOOD in some things!

Here is my 'wishlisht' of looks. Great motivators, and a superb reminder that you can be stylish and--HOTT--at any size.

Maybe I'll hang a few on my mom's fridge to curb the thanksgiving cravings I'll be facing next week! :-)

And P.S.-- I'm being extra good, in hopes that Santa will bring me a pair of sexy calf-high boots! Wish me luck!

6 Months Already?!

Can you believe it? I'm just a hop, skip and a jump away from my 6 month-iversary! I don't have much time to write about it, but suffice it to say--I'm feeling GREAT. I was so encouraged by some of my friends after my last post that I decided to shake it all off, and just enjoy every day that comes my way. And for the life of me, I've been succeeding at that!

Before I go, here are my 'official' before and after shots. The first one was taken just before surgery, and the second one was taken a few days ago. This is the first time I've seen the change quantified, because we had lost the 'before' picture until recently, but it is truly INCREDIBLE. I am totally overwhelmed by the change these pictures show. When I look in the mirror, or go shopping, all I see is that I still have to shop in the plus size, and even though I'm down to a size 18, that doesn't seem--in my head--so different from the size 36 I was wearing before. I mean, they sell the clothes on the same racks. I still don't look like a supermodel, I still have to shop at specialty plus stores. That all means that I'm still fat, and fat is fat.

At least, that's what I used to think.

This fat, this size 18 fat, is just so different that my body is... transformed. It's just plain craziness. I carry it in totally different places. My FEET have shrunk, but my elbow rolls are the same size.

This losing weight thing is madness I tell you.

I decided to go ahead and post the pics here, because my little out-of-the-way blog doesn't draw nearly as much unwanted attention as my facebook or myspace might, if you know what I mean.

After all, it IS a weight loss blog. It's not like you don't expect to see a few fat rolls, and it's not like you expect me to have transformed into Giselle.

:-)

As much as I wish that was the case!

Self Esteem, Careless Comments, and Pretzels

Today has been a weird day for me. I feel like I've been...aware...of my weight more than usual today.

It started this morning in my closet.

I put on this dress that I've had for like 6 years, but only worn once because it was always too small--even though it was a wrap dress. I put it on this morning and it fit perfectly, and I felt really beautiful leaving the house, which is a rare feeling so I cherished it.

As I settled into my cube, I got a call from my new boss. My kind, supportive, encouraging new boss. She's an incredibly fiesty Jewish Woman named Nicole who swears like a sailor, talks faster than anyone I've ever known (Yes Mom, she talks faster and louder than me!) and who somehow still radiates warmth and trust and gentleness of spirit. She's become a mentor in the short amount of time I've been working with her, and was instrumental in my getting promoted.

Anyway, today she came in to work and told me that she had brought me some clothes she thought i might like. She's very fashionable, so she's totally right! The thing is, she tells me that she is bringing me clothes that are too big for her, now that she's lost a little weight.

This is where perspective comes in. See, I see myself as being the same size as my boss. I mean I'm a little taller than her and stuff, but when I look at her, from my perspective, I sense that we're about the same dimensions around the waist, shoulder width, etc... does that make sense? So to hear her say that she's bringing me clothes that are to big for her, made me think "She sees me as bigger than her?" I wasn't offended by it or anything at all, it was just sort of curious, and it was an introspective moment. It made me wonder how accurately I see myself. I had been thinking I saw myself as BIGGER than I am, but this suddenly made me wonder if it's the opposite.

We went out to the car to get the clothes, and she tells me as she's handing them to me (and they are adorable clothes, and great designers too) that they are a size 24.

I'm a size 18. (down from a 34, by the way)

Which, knowing that she's lost a little weight recently, should mean that we are, in fact, about the same size afterall.

So why do I look bigger than her? Do I carry my weight differently than her? Strange.

It didn't upset me so much as get me thinking. That was the first thing that happened today to make me think about my weight.

A few hours later I was in a meeting with Nicole and two guys we work with. We were discussing some events that our company is going to have booths at. Since I was recently promoted to Marketing Coordinator, the management of tradeshows and events falls under my job description. But for the last few months, in the absence of a Marketing Coordinator, that task has been handled by a co-worker of mine in my former department, who has gone to all of these events to help set-up and man the booths along with the local Sales guys.

This girl, we'll call her Tiffany, is fairly attractive. She's thin, with flowy strawberry blond hair, and a very feminine sense of style. She's always wearing skirts and dresses and chic stilettos. Very pretty.

In this meeting, Nicole explains that I will be handling tradeshow management from now on because it's part of my job now. She also explained that we won't be sending someone from my former department anymore (Tiffany) because it's not necessary.

One of the guys speaks up and says that he thinks we should still send Tiffany to the tradeshows, even if she isn't managing them. At first Nicole and I were confused, and then he proceeded to say: 'this may sound sexist but, well, Tiffany brings attention to the booth.'

Yeah. At this point I'm hurt for women-kind as a whole. 100 years in the workplace and we're still being trophied as eye candy.

Then he continued.

"I just, I just don't see... anyone else... being able to attract attention the way she does. No offense."

No offense? Now I'm hurt for myself.

What am I? An ogre that's going to send people running and screaming from our booth?

I've always considered myself an engaging, warm, charming person. I may not look great in an a-line skirt and heels, but I am a damn good sales person.

Talk about a punch to the gut.

The meeting ended a few minutes later. I sat in my cube and just felt kind of numb. It was the kind of feeling where you know that if you allowed emotion to really set in you would be overcome by it, so instead you allow yourself to just feel the very outer edges of the emotions. Like testing the waters: "what just happened? How do I feel about it?"

I felt...

fat. ugly. insulted. indignant.

but at the same time, like I was over-reacting. he didn't mean it that way. he didn't mean to offend me. i felt guilty. self-depricating. like he was right. like I deserve it.

like 'this is how the real world is. get over it'

And all of a sudden a combination of things just dropped on me like an ACME anvil in a cartoon.

I'm still fat. I've lost 110 pounds, and I'm still fat enough for my boss to be uncomfortable with me manning the booth, representing the company. I'm still fat enough for my boss to donate clothes to me that are 4 sizes to big.

I'm still fat enough for a former Cascade classmate--who I reconnected with on the phone last week--to spend the entire call talkign about how she just can't beleive that even though I've lost 110 pounds I'm still a size 18, and was I SURE I'd lost 100 pounds? And how could I still weigh almost 300 pounds when she only weighs 220 and we're the same size? I tried to explain that she has a tiny frame and I don't but... whatever. The damage had been done.

It's difficult enough to battle my own mind. To look in the mirror after a shower and see something disgusting. It's hard enough that I'm reminded every time I weigh myself that even though I've lost more than my best friend weighs, I'm still only half way to normal.

It's hard enough to know that with size 12 feet and the shoulders of a line backer I'm never--no matter how many days a week I exercise or how little I eat--never going to look like my best friend, or the women in magazines. Or the women who turn my husband's head when they walk by.

Even if I actually get to my 'goal' weight of 185, and even less likely, I maintain that weight which less than 50% of Gastric Bypass patients do, I'm still going to look fat.

I'm going to have big feet and a big head and big shoulders and jiggly arms, and I'm never going to be 'normal' enough that someone looks at me and says 'I want her to run our booth'.

So what's the point?

The dreaded (but much requested) full body shot!

I've been asked to post a full body shot, and as much as it makes me nauseaus... I'm gonna do it! Ok. First the 'Before' shot. Ben had to comb his archives to find even ONE full body shot of me before surgery, because I'm EXT...REMELY efficient at deleting them immediately after he takes them. As you can see, I wasn't happy he was taking this one either. I showed him via sign language. *blush* I'm sorry Mom and Dad, I promise it's the only full body shot I could find!

CLICK TO ENLARGE (ha, no pun intended)



I loved that shirt. I miss it.

And now the 'after'. This was taken yesterday. As you can see, I've still got a long way to go (at least 85 pounds) but still... it's progress!

CLICK TO ENLARGE

WOO HOO!

As of 9:00pm last night, I have lost 100 pounds. Half way to my goal and too busy to even celebrate it except for this little post!!

8 Weeks

Well folks, this surgery and I are getting along swimmingly. My weight loss has stabilized to a steady 2 or 3 pounds a week, and I'm very happy with that. When I was losing too quickly it was making me grumpy, and draining all of my energy which made working out too difficult. Now, even though the pounds are coming off more slowly, I'm able to work out more, which makes me feel great!

To be honest though, I haven't stepped a foot inside a gym in a full week. You see, my dear aunt Flo came to visit. (This is where any stray boy might want to stop reading).

Since I'm not allowed to take aspirin or ibprofen--or anything that contains either of those--I decided to let myself take a week off from my workout schedule to relax. Instead of hitting the gym, I spent my free time with my heating pad, warm creamy cups of tea, and a good book! haha.

It was sort of crazy to see what my cycle did to my weight loss graph. The first day I gained 5 pounds of water weight. 5 POUNDS in one day! It was so crazy to see it jump like that. It stayed elevated for the first 3 days, and then started dropping again. Now I'm at day 6 and back down to just below my pre-cycle weight. So really all it did was cost me a week of progress, but that's not a big deal.

My body is in this super weird transition phase. I look in the mirror and get discouraged instantly. Because, I'm losing weight--slowly, but it's happening, I know that--but it's not in a shrinking way. It's not like those simulations they show on diet pill infomercials where they start with this big bloated cartoon who morphs into a skinny girl. It looks more like....

melting.

:-)

I know. Sexy. But seriously, everywhere that used to be solid firm fat (the worst kind!) is now sort of... jigggly. My nutritionist says it's totally normal, and my skin is doing a fairly good job of keeping up, but it's still a very unattractive process.

But who cares? I still have 150 pounds to go. That's an entire Benjamin that I have to lose! Ya can't expect that to happen smoothly!

Heading out to for my daily protein shake, but I'll write again soon!

By the way, I came across this picture of myself from the summer I first met Ben, and it made me cry. I looked so confident, and happy, and energetic. In fact, my face looked down-right SLIM compared to most of my adult life.

This is the girl that Ben fell in love with, the young girl with long wispy curls, a sparkle in her eyes and a bright smile.

Where did she go?! She got hidden away by 75 pounds of post-wedding weight, and bad haircuts, I guess.

I can only hope that I'll look like this again, sometime soon...

My Weight Loss Soul Sister

So I found this channel on You Tube and I am LOVING this girl. This is one of her first videos, and although it's like 18 months old, it's so similar to where I am, that I had to post it. It's like having a friend going through the same thing as me!! Thank goodness for You Tube.



P.S.--I plan to do my own videos soon. I'm still not feeling confident enough to put my fat face on the internet. :-)

Quick Update--5 weeks post op

I'm feeling great!!!

The last 7-10 days have made a huge difference. I'm feeling very little pain anymore, meeting my hydration goals most days, and I have WAY more energy! Exercising on a regular basis has really helped. I am still not eating much, but the excercise keeps my energy up, and gives me motivation to eat--after all, I HAVE to eat to be able to excercise.

Food has become--at least for right now--sort of a chore. Because I can't eat the same things I used to eat (comfort food like macaroni, hot dogs, and bread) it doesn't really appeal to me at all anymore. It's just not 'fun' anymore! That change has been the biggest emotional challenge so far, and belieive me I'm still dealing with that every day. I am very literally mourning my old comfort food hobby. For me, food was my main source of 'fun' and happiness for more than 15 years. Food made me feel better, every single time. Now when things suck, I have to cope with them like a grown-up and that's hard to do when you don't have any practice!!

:-)

Still, though I've been a bit emotional abotu it all, I haven't been even remotely tempted to try any of those 'bad' foods, because I still have VERY firm memories of being sick the first few weeks and I don't want to do anything to relive that stage.

I've been really good about eating only protein-rich foods, but when I do feel the need to 'splurge' I have a couple of safe filler foods that I've been relying on. One of those is avacado. When I'm feeling the need to have a non-protein food, that's my treat. I can only eat about 2 table-spoons a time, so the fat content is not soemthing to worry about and it is one of the only foods so far that has actually given me a reminicent 'comfort food' feeling. It's great!

I also let myself have a little sweet-potato on my birthday, and that was heavenly!!

I'm at right around 50 pounds of weight loss now, and trying not to weight too often (it's soooooo tempting to do it every day) because I know it can be discouraging, and my weight fluxes so much over the course of a week that it doesn't really give an accurate idea of where I'm at anyway.

That's all for now, off to the store to investigate protein-bar choices.

adios!

3.5 Weeks Post-Op Update

Hi friends! It's been a busy couple of weeks since I wrote last! So many crazy things have happened, plans and diets and jobs have changed, and I'm just adapting to all of that as best as I can. I'm down 41 pounds since surgery as of this morning. That's actually about 65 pounds down from my highest weight (last fall) so it's really exciting.

I'm on a soft (at times pureed) foods diet now. It's a big step-up from liquids, and I'm finding that my body isn't as anxious to advance as my mind is!

Foods That Work:

• Tuna w/olive oil mayo, mustard & salt
• Canned Chicken w/olive oil mayo, mustard & salt
• Scrambled eggs w/reduced fat cheese
• Fat-Free Refried Beans w/reduced fat cheese
• Protein-Enriched Cereal (Special K, I have to let it get soggy first, or Tummy gets mad)
• Cream of Wheat (no protein. kind of useless but yummy)
• VERY tender beef roast
• Fudgesicles

Foods That Should Work According to Dr. But Don't:

• Hamburger
• Ground Turey
• Ground Chicken
• Anything of hamburger consistency
• Most Chicken Breast (to fibrous by itself, doesn't break down enough)
• Fruit Popsicles (seems healthy but Tummy disagreed)
• Yogurt (I used to love it! Now? Not happening)
• Cottage Cheese
• Sugar Free Pudding

An added problem is that even though there are a few protein foods I can handle, as listed above, I can only eat 3-6 small bites of them, and that's over the course of 20-30 minutes. That means that if I ate 6 times a day like I'm supposed to, I'd only get about 30 grams of protein from my food. Even worse, I've only been eating about 2 or 3 times a day. So you can understand that I have NOT been meeting my 100 gram a day protein requirement.

I'm SUPPOSED to be drinking 3 protein shakes a day to fill in this gap. I know that. They told me all about it for 6 months of classes before the surgery. I bought protein powder. I drank the shakes every day for a month to get in the habit. Problem? Pre-op I drank the powder in a smoothie which I made out of 8 ounces of orange juice, a cup of frozen fruit, and the powder.

My tummy doesn't like all that sugar anymore. I'm not supposed to drink more than 4 ounces of juice a DAY. Since I'd need about 18 ounces to go the smoothie route, that's obviously not an option. So the Dr. says I should drink the powder in a cup of plain milk but... come on. Who wants to drink 8 ounces of powdery milk 3 times a day? Especially when you have to SIP it over the course of an hour and a half to get 8 ounces down?!

So I'm takign a new route. I ordered several samples of protein powders that mix in water, called Nectar protein. It should be light and juice-like, which I'll be able to drink much more easily than this thick milk-based stuff. Hopefully that works, and I can fix this protein shortage before my hair starts falling out or my internal organs fail. Thanks Dr. for the scare tactics--they worked. :-)

So on Monday I started at my new Job. Because of some crazy things that have happened, I'm actually working for a clean energy company called ClearEdge Power over in Hillsboro. It's an amazing company. They produce one of the world's first fuel-cell systems that converts natural gas into clean energy for residences, allowing them to produce most or all of their own power. It's basically an alternative to Solar Panels for those who are looking to lower their home's carbon footprint and reduce energy costs.

Work is... work. :-) There is SO much to learn, since I've never worked in the industry before. Some of it's exciting and other times I'm kind of sitting in my cubicle thinking 'ok got it...what now?'. But that's always how a first week at a new place is, so I'm sure it will pick up.

That's all the news for now.

By The Way...

I've lost 29 pounds since leaving the hospital. The vast majority of that loss is from the IV fluids and gas I was full of when I left, so I think it's only really about 12 pounds of beneficial loss. Fat loss. 

The crazy thing is, I don't see any of it. My pants feel just as tight, my face looks just as fat. My mom explained that I probably won't see it for quite a while because I imagine myself as so much smaller than I really am right now. She said that there's a point where we stop really gaining weight in our mind, so until we get down to that picture in our heads, everything is still just 'fat'. 

That makes sense. Still--29 pounds and I can't see it? For most of the people I know, 29 pounds would totally alter the way they look. I imagine Skyelar losing 29 pounds. laughable. She'd be dead. But I have so much to lose that what consists of a third of her body weight is a small enough amount on me to be unnoticeable. 

Sort of more depressing than encouraging.

:-)

Post Surgery Update #2--A Week since Discharge

The last week has really tested my strength and my conviction. To put it bluntly--this surgery is kicking my butt. When they explained--pre surgery--that you'd have to drink all day to stay hydrated, it sounded like an easy task. I figured I'd be so hungry, that I'd HAVE to drink all day to stay sane.

 

Oh how naive that Dayna was.

 

My first week after surgery I struggled with EVERY sip, and I mean SIP, of any liquid. I was supposed to drink about a communion-cup full of liquid every 15 minutes. It sounds laughable. Who couldn't do THAT?! 

 

Apparently me.

 

It's difficult to explain WHY it's so difficult to stay hydrated. Part of it, of course, is the pain. The sutures--the strips where they cut through skin and abdomen--were very painful. Especially the larger ones, where the cameras and tools were threaded through for surgery. But that pain was mostly superficial compared to the real problem--the pressure. In surgery they pump your abdomen full of CO2 gas to lift your fat away from your organs, so that they can have room to work. So, it makes sense that the larger you are, the more fat, the more gas it takes to create that space. 

 

It took a great deal in my case.

 

This gas doesn't magically evaporate. And because your intestines have been re-routed and are swollen significantly, it's not as if you can belch or toot the gas out. The gas just sat there, pushing out at my recently severed stomach, at my abs, and at my sutures. It's like being blown up like a balloon, full to bursting. So though the suture pain was debilitating, it was really the bloating that beat me up.

 

That and my pouch--the shot-glass sized new stomach--was not very welcoming. This might be too much information, so tune out if you're not up for it. For every second or third sip of water I took, I was rushing to the bathroom to throw up. Imagine throwing up on less than half an ounce of water, and being told that I have to drink 64 ounces every day. You can understand the battle with dehydration.

 

That battle really summed up my entire first week. I sipped, threw up, ached, felt bloated, walked a little bit, and that cycle repeated itself every 2 hours. I slept fitfully because every position was painful. I regretted having surgery about every 10 minutes, and cursed myself for being so fat that I couldn't lose weight like a normal person. I wondered if I'd tried hard enough. I wondered if I was strong enough to make it through recovery. I got nauseous at the very sight or smell of food. I didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone, email anyone. I just slid, slowly, into this depressed, painful funk.

 

And then my little brother called from California, and said that he and my parents wanted Ben and me to come down. For those of you who don't know, my mother had the surgery just over a year ago and has been extremely successful. They were all worried about me, and he said mom wanted to help. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle a car-ride, so I told them no. But Ryan (my adorable 19 year old brother) bought us train tickets, and said that I could walk around whenever needed that way. 

 

So sweet.

 

So we made arrangements, and 2 days ago we boarded the train. I don't know if it was coming home, or simply the passage of enough time, that was the turning point, but I've definitely improved since being here. First of all, I decided--at my mom's insistence--that hydration was not optional. She asked whether I'd rather pay a few hundred dollars in co-insurance to have IV fluids, or if I wanted to suck it up and hydrate myself. Put in monetary terms with Ben still out of work, the decision seemed so much more simple! Ha-ha. So I did something stupid--that actually worked.

 

I took a glass of water, about 12 ounces, to the bathroom. I decided that I was going to drink every drop in that glass before I left that bathroom. If I threw up 8 times, then so be it. If I was miserable afterward, ok. Whatever it took, I was going to hydrate myself. I wasn't going to be a victim.

 

I drank every drop. I was SHOCKED! Yes it took me about a half hour to force it all in, and I felt miserable for several hours afterward, but you know what? I survived. And I perked up. I felt less depressed--even though I felt physically bad. I started to feel like I might be able to do this. I walked more. I took another glass into the bathroom that night. It was the first time I'd topped 10 ounces for a DAY, and I'd done it in the span of a half hour!

 

I don't have to do that anymore. It's been 2 days since then, and I am sipping without much trouble. I'm still not meeting the requirements, but mom says that I'm less pale, and that I'm looking much better. I'm FEELING better. The pain is still there, and the bloating, but I am finally re-gaining a positive attitude, finally grasping onto the will power and courage that walked me into that hospital to change my life.

 

It's not smooth sailing yet. I'm still struggling constantly, and mom--again, speaking from experience--says it will probably be another couple of weeks before I start to feel like a normal human being. It will probably be another couple of weeks before I start to remember WHY I did this. Start to feel that motivation to lose weight and get healthy again. But for now, the fact that I've re-gained the motivation to LIVE, is progress enough. Ha-ha! Anything else is just a bonus at this point.

 

And so I keep truckin' along! 

 

I'll be in Redding another 3 days, and then I have to prepare for my new job. I start in a week, and I know it's going to be extremely difficult to put on my capable-and-enthusiastic face while battling with recovery, but on the other hand it might be a welcome challenge and distraction from what my body is doing and feeling! I'll try to post more often now that I'm back in the land of the living. 

 

:-)

 

Adios!

 

Post-Surgery Update !!!!

Ok! So a lot of people have asked me to call and fill them in on how I'm doing, but since my only waking hours have been full of pain meds and staying hydrated and Amanda's wedding (YAY!!!), I'm going to have to send out a mass update this way, and request forgiveness for the way it's being done.

I checked in at Legacy Good Samaritan hospital at 7:30 the morning of surgery. The check-in was pretty uneventful. A nurse took me back to a triage sort of area called the 'short stay' unit. They had me change into a hospital gown and pack all of my clothes into a plastic bag. They also had me give all of my valuables to Ben to keep, and then they took everything else (my clothes and my bag full of goodies for my stay) up to my future hospital room. It was kind of weird, knowing they were holding everything for me, assuming I was going to be joining my belongings in just a few hours. I was tempted to wonder what their procedure was if I never made it to the room, but I shut that thought down immediately. I knew it would lead to me imagining Ben getting bad news, alone in a waiting room, and I was too frazzled to handle that image.

The nurse was extremely talkative. Even when she wasn't drawing the vials of blood, administering any tests, or having me sign away my life (literally!) in piles of paperwork, she hung around and told me all about her reduced hours at the hospital and her daughter's success in high school. I think she was harmlessly trying to distract me from the coming surgery, but all it really did was rob Ben and I of any time alone together whatsoever. He and I just sat there, making small talk with this stranger for about 2 hours. Suddenly the Surgeon was stopping by to say hello and let me know we'd be moving into surgery shortly. She wasn't kidding. The short stay unit has no cell phone reception because it's directly below the radiology department. So I sent Ben out to the lobby to call my mom and let her know I was going into surgery soon, and by the time he got back the anesthesiologist was rolling me out of the room! I didn't even get to hug him or kiss him or share an intimate 'goodbye' moment. I could tell by the look on his face that he was frustrated by the situation too.

The anesthesiologist told Ben that the surgeon would let him know as soon as I was out of surgery, but it might be a few hours before he'd actually get to see me because they'd need to stabilize me in the recovery room before bringing me up to my hospital room. The guy was friendly and energetic, and full of corny knock knock jokes--he actually used the "who’s there, ach, ach-who, bless you!" joke. Yeah. I think I could see the entire floor of nurses roll their eyes in my peripheral vision. But his intention was sweet, and I WAS nervous, so any distraction was welcome.

The operation room was much bigger than it seems on TV. It was significantly larger than S-100 at cascade. The entire ceiling was covered in faux-sky lights. Clear panels with paintings of sunny blue skies shining through. I repaid the anesthesiologist with a lame joke of my own. "Lucky you, the only person in western Oregon that gets to work under blue skies every day" he pretended like it was the first time he'd heard the joke.

You know how, on TV, they always show the person getting a mask placed over their face and being asked to count down from 10? They never get past 7. Well I didn't get this moment! I think he must have injected a sedative directly into my IV when I wasn't looking, because one moment I was chuckling at my own lame joke, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in Recovery.

Ok so here's where the 'WOW, I'M DUMB!' moment began. Like I've been telling all the people who have criticized my choice, I've been researching this surgery for 9 months. I have read thousands of pages, and talked to post-op patients in various stages. I had 6 months of nutritional and physical therapy appointments in preparation for surgery. I met with my surgeon twice. I sat through two seminars on what to expect after surgery. I'm extremely well versed on what a post-op diet will look like, exercise recommendations and limitations, weight loss expectations, possible complications, and just about everything else anyone could have questions about.

 

Just about.

 

Funny thing is, in all of that research, I never thought to ask my surgeon--and NO ONE EVER MENTIONED-- a small but vital question.

 

How much pain will I be in after surgery?

 

Apparently, that was an important question to have asked. I woke up in the recovery room, gasping for air and screaming. SCREAMING. Like a crazy person. I was totally and completely blindsided by the pain, and I kept trying to tell the nurse--ok I was YELLING at the nurse--that they did something wrong because 'It Hurts!!'. 

 

Ha-ha. Oh silly me. So much-too-late-note-to-self: When they cut through your abdomen in 6 or 7 two-inch strips, you're gonna feel that when you wake up.

 

I know. I told you I'm dumb.

 

So they must have put me back out to shut me up, because I don't remember much other than the nurse telling me to calm down and my pain was totally normal, until I woke up in my private room with Ben at my side. 

 

The next 2 days were a bit of a blur. I really 'pushed' through the pain. Yep. I pushed my morphine drip button EVERY time the button lit up (about every 1o minutes). So much for being noble and strong. But I guess that's what the button is for, right?

 

They started bringing me trays of liquids the morning of the second day, but I never made it through any of them. Not even close really. They'd always bring 3 things--like a cup of soup, a cup of milk, and a cup of juice. I was supposed to sip constantly for about 4 hours to consume all 3. I usually just ate ice chips.

 

That works fine when you have an IV drip doing the hydration for you, but looking back now I wish I would have gotten into the habit of drinking at the hospital--because at home there's no IV failsafe, and it's even more difficult to drink.

 

I went home on a Thursday morning--3 days and 2 nights post op--with a prescription for liquid pain meds and a note to call my doctor if I started dying. :-) 

 

More to come later! 

 

Now That's Just Mean...

Today is the first day of my liquid diet. I'm starving. Funny that yesterday I couldn't force myself to eat anything, but now that I'm not allowed to have food it all sounds delicious. I know right? Definitely a mental thing.

So half of my office is out on vacation today, taking a 4 day weekend. There are only a few of us that didn't take the day off, and apparently they decided to celebrate by having a potluck. 

Yeah. Great timing.

So there's a creamy slamon spread and crackers, Costco's giant chocolate muffins, a sausage breakfast casserole, cinammon and apple salsa on homemade tortilla chips and assorted other goodies. On a table. A table which sits 6 feet from my desk. 

That's just mean. 

:-) 

Oh well, no pain no gain---err, loss---right?!

Struggles...

Today is my last day of solid food for more than 4 weeks. I have to do a 3 day liquid diet before surgery, and then of course I'll be on liquid and eventually puree for my first 4 weeks of recovery. I keep waiting for this 'last meal' mindset to set in that makes me want to devour everything in sight. And afterall, I have every right to do that. My surgeon endorsed a free day before my liquid diet starts, to enjoy the foods you really love because you may not like them or be able to eat them after surgery. 

And yet, here it is 1:30 in the afternoon, the middle of my lunch break, and I haven't eaten anything today. I haven't even finished my first protein shake yet, and I should be half way through my second by this time of the day.  This has actually become a frustrating trend lately. Ever since starting my pre-op diet, I feel like I am force feeding myself all day at work. As wonderful as fruit smoothies are, when you add the protein powder, replace the juice with water, and have to have 40 ounces a day of them.... they lose their appeal. What was fun the first couple of days has become a chore--one I'm not good at pushing myself to accomplish.

I think the issue is that I don't really LIKE any of these high protein low calorie foods. We're talking cottage cheese, yogurt, veggies and lean deli meats here. All day, everyday. Eating is no-fun anymore, so I'm not interested in it. Nearly every day this week I have had to force myself to eat something because I have hit rock-bottom in my blood sugar. I keep meaning to eat breakfast... and then lunch...but next thing I know it's 3 in the afternoon and I'm light headed, shaking fingers, and suffering from smoothie induced heartburn.  

Do you know how strange it is to be a food addict who doesn't feel like eating? It's miserable. My energy is low and my mood is dipping as well. 

The thing is, I don't see any way to make myself 'happy' with the food. If I go out and splurge for my last day, have pizza or pasta or something I love, I'd feel so guilty afterward for the fat I ate that it wouldn't be at all worth it. Besides, we can't really afford to go out to eat, and all of the food in the refrigerator is healthy. 

But today I don't WANT to eat another bite of green beans, or lunch meat, or another spoonful of cottage cheese. Even hard boiled eggs sound disgusting. So here I am, spending my lunch break NOT eating.

The problem is, that I NEED to be eating. If I don't at least drink the protein shakes, then I'm burning muscle and not fat, which is dangerous and useless. And when I don't eat all day, when I get home for dinner I'm impossible to satisfy. I eat a healthy portion for dinner--the only meal when we have food I actually enjoy like honey marinated chicken breast and sauteed vegetables., or grilled salmon. If I was eating all day, like I should, I would probably be satisfied with the small portion I'm allotted for dinner, but since I don't my mind screams for more as soon as I'm finished. I end up battling cravings from just after dinner until bedtime--and I don't always win. Luckily I usually choose a healthy snack.

I wish there was a way for me to enjoy my breakfast and lunch meals without having to force feed myself. 

But oh well. Today's the last day anyway, too late to make any changes now. At least an all-liquid diet will simplify this mess. 

T-Minus 7 days

I had my final pre-op appointment today. It was a day full! I took off from work around 12:30, and drove up to Legacy Good Samaritan, home of the Weight Institute and my surgeons office. I had to have blood drawn for a final set of labs, have another EKG to double check for any heart abnormalities, meet with the nurse practioner again about the risks and my post op medications, and end the day with a 2 hour pre-op class.

The class consisted of Ben and I, and 4 other patients with their support people. Everybody in the class is having surgery next week. It was so surreal to look around and think "we're the next batch of after pictures just waiting to happen". There was a young mom there about my age, and I've decided that we're going to be friends. She had this contagious energy and optimism. It was friendship at first sight. I haven't technically spoken to her yet, but we're going to be in the same post-op support group, so I am confident I'll be able to win her over. *wink*

There were two sections to the class, the first half-hour was lead by one of the nutritionists at the clinic (happened to be mine!). I think most of the information was review for all of us, but it was helpful nonetheless. For me, a lot of this information started 8 months ago, so the refresher course was welcome.

She gave us shopping lists for the things we'll need to buy between now and next week to make sure we're prepared to come home from the hospital. Things like protein drinks, low sodium v8 juice, and chicken broth, since it'll be only liquids for 2 weeks, and only purreed foods (think applesauce) for an additional two weeks. She also went over the intense protein demands we'll be under. For example, for my weight I'll need to get at least 125 grams of protein a day, from my first day after surgery. To put that in perspective--that's about 5 large chicken breasts, or a 100 medium shrimp. Since I have to get all that purely from liquid, it's a tall order.

In fact, it's a gigantic order. Because my tiny new stomach will be swollen to an even smaller size, I can only drink in sips--about an ounce every 15 or 30 minutes. 

I have to drink an equivalent to 100 shrimp--in sips? Yep. She explained that it essentially means drinking a mixture of heavy protein powder (20 grams a scoop or more) and 2% milk all day every day for 2 weeks.

Oh yeah.  It's a sexy process, this recovery. :-) 

The nutritionist also let us know what to expect for the rest of the first 6 weeks of recovery. It was a lot of information to pack in to the first 30 minutes. After she finished, we spent just over an hour with the nurse practioner, who went over the medical side of everything. She explained what the day of surgery would look like, exactly what the anesthesiologist would do to put us under, and what we could expect to experience as we were waking up. It really did put a lot of my fears at ease. For example, it was really calming to hear that the anesthesiologist is going to be there throughout surgery ensuring that i'm just the right measure of 'out'. It's a fine line between needing a respirator because they don't want my diaphram getting in the way, and needing a respirator because I'm dead. So, I'm glad to know it'll be monitored constantly. haha! 

Of course she went over all of the risks--and their percentages--one more time. We've all heard and signed away on those risks a dozen times in the process, but it's always sobering to hear. 1 person in a 1000 still dies during this surgery. Since the clinic does several hundred a year between the 3 surgeons, the odds are a little intimidating. Will I be the one this year? 

Ben says I better not be. :-) 

All in all it was a good experience. Ben needed to hear about the risks and what to expect, so it was great to have him there with me. Even if it wasreview for me, a lot of it was new for him, and that's important. Just a week to go! 

On the dieting front, I will keep up with this same high-protein low calorie diet until Friday, and then I have to switch to an all clear-liquid diet for the 3 days before surgery. No memorial day barbecue for me. 

Small price to pay. 

By the way, I found this amazing website for post-surgery recipes. It's designed for bypass patients, but it's great for anyone looking for high protein and low calorie foods. I can't wait to try some of these! 

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/cookbooks.asp?cookbook=64597

That's all for today, I'm off to watch the rest of the Idol Finale! Go Kris!

Oh--P.S.! I lost TWELVE (12!!!) POUNDS since my appointment on May 1st, since starting my pre-op diet. It was totally worth the wait to find out with my surgeon and Ben there to witness it, so I'm glad that stupid movie theatre scale didn't work!!

Weight Loss Diary--Entry # 1

Well! I'm really gonna do it. My surgery date is coming up fast--it's a week from tomorrow. The people who know about it keep asking 'so, are you nervous yet?' and every time I hear that question I want to punch someone. :-) Truth be told, I'm not nervous--yet. I have spent a year researching this surgery up, down and sideways and so I'm past the anxiety about what a 'serious' surgery this is. 

Of course, come next Tuesday morning when I haven't had a bite of food in 4 days, and I'm sitting in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, waiting for the anesthesiologist to put me under--I'm going to be nervous as all get out.  But what's the point of being nervous now? I have a week to go! I'm as prepared as I could possibly be, and the rest is in the hands of God and Dr. Valerie Halpin!

But just because nerves aren't playing a big part in my life yet, doesn't mean things are calm. Things are crazy! Let me catch you up on who I am, and what life looks like for me right now.

My name is Dayna Park, and I'm 23. I've been married to the most incredible man on earth (sorry ladies) for just over 2 years. His name is Ben, and he's a civil/structural engineer, a graduate of Oregon State University (Go Beavers!). No kiddies yet, but hopefully with the weight loss, we'll be welcoming some into the world within a few years. 

I graduated last year with a B.S. in Communications. Since graduation, I've worked at three  different companies. I'm sure my resume is a nightmare. Most of it was entry-level customer service work, paying WAY below where a new graduate should be paid. Looking back, I think I was just... scared. Scared that if I applied for real Communications jobs, I wouldn't be able to hack it. Afraid that people would take one look at me and say 'no way is that girl representing our company'. So I've been playing it safe. As a receptionist or a call center rep, I can be a big fish in a small pond (no fat joke intended. *wink*). I can excel. 

Of course, excelling at a $10 an hour job is not all that fulfilling, when you have 4 years of schooling that's not being put to use and $50,000 in school loans to repay.

So just a few weeks ago, I took the plunge. I interviewed--and got--a grown up communications job. Along with it, a 15k a year jump in pay and a terrifying jump in responsibility and accountability. I'm not going to be an over-qualified receptionist anymore. I don't get to sit back and coast by on my high-school job skills.  I'm going to have to grow up, get organized, and crack open the old textbooks. 

The timing couldn't be better--or worse! I gave notice at my current job a week ago, so this Friday will be my last day. Surgery will be the following Tuesday, and after a quick 3 weeks of recovery time, I'll start at my new job on June 15th.

So it’s the beginning of a new life--all around. Can't beat the symbolic value, but gosh I've got my hands full. 

This week, I'm just taking it one step at a time. On the WLS (weight loss surgery) side of things I'm doing my best to stick to the pre-op diet my surgeon put me on. She said its standard procedure, dieting for the month before surgery to decrease the size and fat content in the liver--which they have to push out of the way for the entirety of the surgery. Basically, it's a high protein low calorie diet. The recommended foods?

• Non-Fat Cottage Cheese
• Non-Fat, Sugar Free Yogurt
• Non Starchy Vegetables
• Fruit
• Boneless, skinless turkey or chicken 

Oh, and 3 protein shakes a day to help me get to the minimum 110 grams. 

For about the first week I stuck to the diet perfectly, eating nothing but those foods, and only 3 times a day. But as I found myself getting discouraged and irritable in the second week, I called the surgeon and asked if there were some other foods that fit within the program. She told me it was fine to eat anything high in protein and low in fat and calories. So I've branched out into some whole grain sandwiches, fish, and other things to help shake things up. 

I'm actually doing pretty well, I think. The hard thing is that I can't really know for sure. I weigh quite a bit more than the average person, so there's not a bathroom scale in sight that will tell me if I'm making any progress, and I'm big enough that I can't SEE a few pounds of loss.  I got so curious that I even snuck onto one of those scales at the movie theatre to see if it would work--the kind you put a quarter into--but it said I weighed about 50 pounds less than I did at my last appointment, so somehow I doubt it's accuracy. :-) 

But I'll just keep trucking along, and hope that when I show up for my final pre-op consultation tomorrow, I've lost a few pounds.

I'm signing off for now, I've used most of my lunch break, which keeps me from over-eating, but I better save a little time to have--yet more--lean turkey breast. 

Adios!